


Teamwork ficlets

by Asuka Kureru (Askerian)



Series: Teamworkverse [9]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Babies, F/M, Family Feels, M/M, Matrimonial Bliss, Multi, Polyamory, Romance, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2009-07-01
Updated: 2009-07-01
Packaged: 2018-07-19 13:07:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7362604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Askerian/pseuds/Asuka%20Kureru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-TW3. Contains marriage and children-related shenanigans.</p><p>(old fic being archived.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> fics might be posted out of order, and they've been written across a span of almost seven years so my writing style and some ideas that i had about how things would happen after the main fic changed around a little. i'm probably not gonna repost the OOC crack here, but it's still on FFnet if you want to go and look.

"Foxlet still asleep?" Naruto asked quietly.

Sasuke closed the bedroom door behind him with a soft click. "Yes. The trip was tiring."

Naruto gave an incredulous snort. "Yeah, I'll say." He paused, breathed in. "Good. Okay... Now what the _hell_ are you doing here."

Sasuke shrugged and stepped deeper in the little living room. The room was dark, small windows dug through stone walls two feet deep, roof low. A little claustrophobic. Sakura stood with her arms crossed against the front door, an unfamiliar silhouette with her full-length dark leggings and the Chuunin jacket she so rarely wore, her forehead protector for once in its place instead of in her hair. Naruto wore the jacket too, zipped half-closed onto a black undershirt Sasuke had never seen on him. The weather in Earth Country tended to be colder than back home.

They both looked a little drawn, a little ... not exactly unhappy. Tired. Bracing themselves, mostly.

"You weren't in danger, you said," Sakura prompted him softly.

Sasuke stepped up to the small round table Naruto was sitting at and pulled out a chair for himself. "No. There's no more danger back home than usual, as far as I know."

Sakura frowned, glancing at the window with a hint of professional paranoia. "So, here?"

Shrugging, Sasuke sat and reclined against the back of his chair. "Not that I know."

She frowned a little deeper, puzzled, vaguely annoyed at his avoidance. "So you just skipped town because...?"

For a second Sasuke almost said 'never mind' and grabbed their child and went back home. For a second only, because he'd be damned if he had bothered with all the visas and spent nine days on the road with a toddler, only to run back home with his tail between his legs.

"Naruto," he said - body language casual, eyes totally serious.

Naruto straightened up a little, both elbows on the table, looking vaguely alarmed.

Sasuke smirked; he couldn't help it. "Will you be my concubine?"

It took the two of them a full three seconds before they erupted in 'What?!'. Sasuke let his smirk fade into a faint, entertained smile as Naruto and Sakura interrupted each other trying to demand what the hell he was on about. In the end he just pointed in silence toward the bedroom door, where their child slept. They fell silent, but they were both scowling at him.

"Sasuke, it's a poor time to make jokes," Sakura said with forced calmness.

"Yeah, it is," he agreed. "It's not a joke."

"Sure sounds like one!" Naruto replied, eyes still a little wide. "I can't figure out whether you came all the way over here just to have a laugh at my expense or if you just cracked in the two months we've been gone."

Sasuke shrugged. "Fire Country doesn't allow male concubines. Earth Country does."

"... You've cracked."

Sasuke snorted. "No, I haven't."

Sakura shook her head in bewilderment. "You came all the way here-"

"Sakura. I'm on parental leave. I have _nothing_ to do back home apart from raising our child and attending Council meetings I don't have enough seniority to influence anyway. If I want to take a vacation, why does it matter where I go?"

She snorted and gave him a dry look. "I bet they were pleased with your reasoning."

Sasuke gave a snort. "Tsunade knows I'll come back. If she doesn't object, no one else has any grounds to."

"Wait wait wait. Did you ask the old hag for permission to - did you _tell_ her you -"

"Planned to ask for your hand in marriage?" Sasuke finished. He couldn't help it, he smirked again. Naruto's weariness was gone, replaced by horror. "Oh, I might have mentioned that..."

"Sasuke, you _bastard_!"

Sasuke's laughter came freely out, amused and vaguely fond. The twin owlish stares his lovers gave him pulled a second chuckle out of Sasuke.

God, but he'd missed them.

They must have seen it in his face, in the way his laughter died, because then Naruto's eyes softened and Sakura reached across the table to cover his hand with hers.

"... What is this about, Sasuke, really?" Sakura asked softly, her thumb rubbing against his knuckles.

He stared down at the table - at her hand on his, at Naruto's fists. He could tell so much just watching those fists - the tilt of the wrist, the loose clench - uncertainty more than anger, some defensiveness, a hint of desperation.

"It's the closest we'll ever get to marriage. Seeing as how you didn't have the good taste to be born a woman, and the Konoha concubine laws only allow for those cases where offspring could happen."

Naruto spluttered briefly. "What the hell. What the _hell_? ... the hell."

A corner of Sasuke's lip quirked up. "Eloquent."

"Fuck you."

"That'd be adultery right now."

Sakura sighed quietly, ending their half-hearted banter. "It won't be legal anyway - not here and not back home. You're not Earth Country citizens."

Sasuke shook his head. "It's not about the paperwork. It's about the ceremony." He took a deep breath. "It's about how I haven't seen you two for two months and I won't see you two for another half year, because some fucking asshole back home has it in his head that if you two are far enough then maybe if he's lucky you'll get killed, and at the very least I'll forget you exist and his daughter can swoop in!"

Naruto stiffened. "... What?"

Sakura didn't look half as surprised, gaze cool and slightly disdainful. "Huh. So they finally accepted that you weren't divorcing me anytime soon, then?"

Sasuke muttered something unflattering under his breath. "Yeah. You're totally unsuitable to breed Uchihas with, of course, but I should be allowed my one fancy, and if I want to call you my wife it doesn't matter in the long run so long as all my descendents have the Sharingan and my name. Except Naruto is a bad influence on me, and you're enabling him, and that's why I haven't bestowed my genes on half a dozen 'acceptable young ladies' yet."

Naruto's claws left gouges in the table as the realization hit him. "You mean they sent us away because they thought if we were gone long enough you'd _forget about us_? Because we're distracting you from knocking up a dozen high-born bitches?"

Sasuke nodded perfunctorily, eyes cold and very far from amused. "Basically. I assume they believed that without the two of you to distract me with your fun little perversions I'd be bored enough to do my duty."

Sakura gave a disgusted snort. "At least they're acknowledging we're a long-term toy now, I suppose."

Naruto scowled darkly for a few seconds, and then let out an explosive sigh and rubbed his brow. "At least you didn't cross three countries for a romantic gesture. That would kinda mess with my brain."

Sasuke's eyes slid away.

"...You crossed three countries for a _romantic gesture_?"

Sasuke took his hand back from Sakura so he could cross his arms over his chest. "It's also a political fuck-you gesture."

" _You crossed three fucking countries for a romantic gesture_?!"

"So fucking what?!"

They glared at each other over the table, both jumping on their feet, chairs pushed away. Sakura groaned as she watched them, holding her forehead.

"You want a romantic gesture? I'll give you one." Eyes burning, figurative hackles up, Sasuke stalked around the table. Then he shoved Naruto in the window alcove, making the blond stumble and sit down rather brutally, grabbed his face with both hands and kissed him.

He kissed him until Naruto started responding, and then he kissed him some more, tongue and teeth, until they were breathing hard in each other's mouth. He planted a hand on the cold glass to push back enough to break the kiss, and he loomed over Naruto, and glared for a second.

Then as Naruto stared up with his cheeks flushed and a totally bewildered look on his face, Sasuke picked up Naruto's hand, and brushed his lips against his knuckles.

"Marry me, asshole."

Laughter exploded out of the three of them. Naruto crumpled against Sasuke's chest, howling insults in between two laughing fits; Sakura clung to his arm and pounded her fist on his shoulder as she desperately tried to breathe. Sasuke laughed with them, eyes closed, almost silent but unable to stop.

"... That was the suckiest proposal I've ever heard in my _life_ ," Naruto said with a last chuckle. "Bastard."

Sasuke arched an eyebrow at his lover. "So you're saying no?"

" _I'm_ saying if we woke up the baby I'm going to hurt you," Sakura threatened halfheartedly.

She went to peek through the bedroom door, still stifling chuckles. Sasuke stood still and allowed Naruto to wind an arm around his waist and tug him forward so he could rest his cheek against Sasuke's chest comfortably.

Sakura came back smiling softly, wormed her way in the narrow alcove beside Naruto. Her arm slipped around Naruto's neck; she leaned her head into Sasuke's arm when he rested it around her shoulders.

Sasuke allowed himself to unwind, for the first time in exactly two months and four days.

"... You think it'll change much, if we do that ceremony thing? I mean, if it's not legal..."

"It'll prove he's serious, at least," Sakura replied, eyes closed.

Sasuke muttered, "I don't care what they think. Not doing it for them."

"So you're doing it for _me_? Ooh, Sasuke-kun." Naruto fluttered his eyelashes at him. "I'm gonna hold this over your head for ever and ever."

Sasuke rolled his eyes and tugged on his hair halfheartedly. Then, since his hand was already curled against the back of Naruto's neck, he left it there.

"... Now you guys know what we need?"

Sasuke rubbed his thumb against Sakura's jaw. "Hmm?"

She wrapped a leg around his, hooking the back of his knee to tug him a little closer. "We need to find a country that allows me to have two husbands. It's a little frustrating how if I wanted Naruto to become my husband I'd have to be your widow first."

"...Yeah, I'd rather avoid that as well," Sasuke deadpanned.

Naruto let out a chuffing laugh. "Why? Mm, necrophilia."

Sakura gave him a prim, disappointed look. "Don't be silly, Naruto, he'd turn mushy too fast. We'd never find a jar big enough to pickle him properly."

Sasuke growled and tugged on pink and blond locks. "Idiots."

Sakura looked up at him, eyes shining with amused tenderness. "Yes, you're an idiot too."

Naruto lifted his head from Sasuke's chest and arched his eyebrows at her. "I thought you thought our secret macho I-love-you code was too retarded for you?"

Embarrassed, Sasuke knocked his knuckles on Naruto's head and muttered, "Hey, no saying it out loud. You're in violation."

"I'm getting the hang of it," Sakura replied to Naruto, laughing. "Though I think anything above 'silly' is much too manly for me. You big virile he-men, you."

There was a moment of silence as they held each other. The windowsill was cold, and the room itself; but they weren't.

"Hey... If I'm your concubine, then you're my what? Do I get to call you hubby too?"

Sasuke gave him a haughty look, and smirked. "I think the traditional term is master."

Naruto gave his stomach a shove. "Yeah, how about I call you my ex instead."

Then there were more kisses, and more shoves, and eventually they got to find out that Earth Country houses might be cold and dark, but Earth Country chimneys were perfectly warm and Earth Country rugs were of more than adequate thickness.

The next morning, when Sakura and Naruto had to return to the Fire Country ambassador they were guarding, Sasuke put their child on his shoulders and went looking for a priest.


	2. Kakashi & 3rd kid, Who's your daddy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi and Third Kid, between ten and fourteen years after TW 3 (wasn't sure of the timeline.)
> 
> Aoru : to fan; to agitate; to stir up.
> 
> (by the way, first kid is Suehiro and second kid is Mikan.)

So when Aoru was born, Kakashi was there - _right_ there, in the room, having his hand broken with savage glee, seeing as how Sakura's water had broken while she was practicing a grappling hold on him. (Also with savage glee. The first pregnancy had made her mood-swingy and the second one somewhat murderous, but the third pregnancy combined the heights of her good cheer with a tendency to go straight for the throat.) Incidentally, he was now shirtless under the hospital garb they forced on him, because his vest was drenched with mommy fluids.

When the squalling little thing was taken out he was allowed to stagger off into the waiting room, only to be barreled into by Sasuke and Naruto. Yes she was fine, the baby was presumably fine - it wouldn't be that loud if it wasn't - and what did he know whether it was a boy or a girl, it wasn't like he had looked at it.

"You didn't look?" asked Naruto with puzzlement.

"Naruto."

Kakashi paused. Weighed his words.

"It was coming out of Sakura's. Place."

Sasuke was the first to laugh, though Naruto joined him fast. Kakashi only sighed and sank into the closest couch.

So then Naruto ransacked a vending machine for Sakura's favorites, and Sasuke paced a hole in the floor, and Kakashi had a nurse fix the hairline crack in his knuckle bone. He considered leaving afterwards but he was growing older and slower and he had to admit with great regret that long gone were the days where he could hope to outrun a woman scorned. Besides the couch was comfortable, and there was something hypnotic about the regular back and forth of Sasuke's nervous pacing.

"And who is going to meet Daddy now? Oh yes you are, you precious little angel."

Naruto dumped his loot on the couch and quivered in excitation. Sasuke whirled around on the spot and almost tripped. Both their fingers twitched with the need to appropriate the child. Kakashi closed his eyes and relaxed into the couch.

A second later he had a tiny little package warming his lap.

"Ah - there's been a mistake," he said, trying to notice Sasuke glaring red murder at him.

The nurse giggled. "Oh, it's a big change indeed, but you'll get used to the idea soon. Look, doesn't she look just like you?"

Kakashi tried not to breathe too deeply in case he rolled the squirmy thing off his lap. "No, you see, I was just accompanying the mother - huh."

The baby's hair was barely there, light and fuzzy - but also unmistakably gray. Had Kakashi been an artist, he would have named the color "light slate." He wasn't, so he just named it "mine."

Naruto paused in mid-step. Stared at the baby. Tilted his head. Opened his mouth. Paused again, considering.

Then called out through the open door, to the bed Sakura was recuperating on.

"Oi Sakura-chan, you could have told us you were cheating on us with Kakashi-sensei!"

It was the talk of the hospital for a whole two months. Kakashi was just glad he wasn't the one who had to pay for repairs.

* * *

The baby grew up into an active, hug-happy, tantrum-prone toddler who walked at eight months and said her first word at nine ("idiot.") Naruto took to referring to his beloved, much-admired sensei as "Sakura-chan's concubine," taught his daughter to comb her hair over half her face, and referred to New Year and birthday presents as hush money.

Sasuke was the one who got her a miniature chuunin vest to wear for her first costumed party, but Kakashi forgave him. Sasuke was still clinging to his denial that little Aoru was just trying to be more like papa. Well, Sasuke-papa.

"Genetics are weird," Sasuke would say. "She got the white hair gene from Sakura's father and the black from me, and came up with her own color. That's my daughter alright." And the housewives of the block clucked sadly behind his back.

Kakashi was lucky these days when he managed to time his visits with Naruto's missions, because being greeted by "why, if it isn't the other, _other_ boyfriend!" lost some of its charm after six years. And it never seemed to help when Sakura snapped and went after the blond with whatever heavy thing she happened to have in hand.

Then one day Sakura snapped in a different way.

When Kakashi hopped over the gate and strolled toward them, already wearing his long-suffering 'ignoring Naruto' face, she didn't sigh, or look embarrassed.

She smiled at him.

That was rare enough, but it was the type of smile that made Kakashi's hair raise on the back of his neck. It was a secretive smile. A pleased, languorous smile. She stepped up to him in a hips-rolling, feline way that his cute little student should have had no knowledge of, at all, ever, and she placed a hand on his shoulder. Her voice was way too low, too intimate when she greeted him.

"It's been a long time... Kakashi."

Naruto seemed to have forgotten his mouth was still open.

Kakashi was a good ninja. A great ninja, even. So even though in his mind he wanted nothing more than to put his hands on his eye and ears (all three of them at the same time; he was talented), on the physical plane he only gave a little twitch before leaning toward his student and smiling back, heavy-lidded and attentive.

"... Sakura."

Naruto's arm worked well to point with, but his mouth was still out of order, which boded well for the ultimate result of this plan. Sakura gave a sensual little chuckle and leaned in.

Kakashi's nerve broke when he saw her lips approach.

A couple of hours later Naruto was still breaking into random fits of giggles and muttering "his FACE ahaha" at frequent intervals, but at least it was another three whole months before he made the baby daddy joke again.

* * *

"At this rate you might as well become our fourth lover for real," said Sasuke one day when they were sitting at the edge of the deck, watching not-so-little Aoru throwing earthworms at her older siblings. And while Kakashi choked in his mask, Sasuke just waved at the wall that separated them from the rest of the district philosophically. "After all, we've already dealt with the wave of shocked gossip."

Kakashi hummed with distracted interest and pointed out a very interesting taijutsu combo Aoru-chan had used to trip up Naruto's kid. Not a genius, no, but she was still gifted. Look how well she beat up her bigger siblings.

Sasuke only smirked at him and snapped a no-nonsense order at the squabbling children. Aoru even managed to look contrite. "And a remarkable actress as well," Kakashi commented.

"She's a pest," Sasuke replied, but he looked more amused than anything. "Yamada-san asked me why you weren't living with us yesterday."

"... Sasuke."

"Seems like public opinion is reaching the point where it's becoming more shocking that you aren't parenting your daughter than we're living in a depraved sex commune."

" _Sasuke_." Kakashi gave his favorite pupil - ex-favorite now - a disappointed look. "What have I ever done to you?"

Sasuke arched an eyebrow, and took a sip of coffee. "You mean beside the fact that Sakura's parents wonder why we haven't brought you over for dinner yet?"

Kakashi groaned.

"I would tell them that all signs point to Aoru having the sharingan, but at this level it would only get me more denial points." Sasuke said. "You're obviously a bastard child of the Uchiha. That implant story is just a cover-up."

"...Yes, obviously," Kakashi repeated weakly.

"Might as well accept the inevitable and move in."

"Sasuke. Sasuke. I will personally go to your in-laws and explain to them in great details the laws of genetics and why I am not your daughter's father. Or why I am not your incestuous cousin either. _If you drop this conversation right now and pretend it never happened._ "

Sasuke gave him a considering look over the rim of his coffee cup.

"... And I'll babysit the kids Saturday night."

"Three Saturday nights."

"You drive a hard bargain."

"Bargain about what?"

Kakashi was too cool to jump, so he didn't. He even managed to slide the kunai that had appeared into his hand back in the pouch before the newly arrived Naruto noticed. (Sasuke was laughing at him with his eyes, of course.)

"Hey Sensei. Hey bastard." They were sitting at the edge of the deck, feet dangling in the grass underneath. Naruto crouched between the two of them, propping up an elbow on Sasuke's shoulder for balance. "Bargain about what?"

Sasuke shrugged his shoulder in an attempt to pretend he minded the casual contact. "You free Saturday?"

"Sure, why?"

Sasuke grumbled at him. "Just like that. I'm free too."

"Hint, hint," Kakashi added helpfully. Sasuke kicked him.

"- Oh! Are you asking me on a date?" Naruto grinned. "Sure! Anywhere you want, any position-"

"My, isn't that a rare Northern Purple-headed Finch?" Kakashi said, pointing at a pigeon.

Naruto scoffed a him. "Just because you're jealous you never got on one of our dates."

Kakashi only winced inwardly, but his students were so used to reading him through the mask and the neutral body language that the two brats snickered anyway.

"No, seriously, they're super-awesome. I bet you'd love them."

"... Pardon?"

Sasuke was considering Naruto in a vaguely quizzical way, but one that wasn't exactly a 'what the hell' yet. Naruto smirked back, fangy and evilly delighted. "Sakura's hogged you long enough, Sensei. I mean, we share everything else, right?"

The heavy-lidded look the blond gave Kakashi was mildly unsettling; as for Sasuke, he watched the scene with a thoughtful, weighing look that said nothing on his true thoughts but hinted a bit too much anyway.

Pointing out that Sakura did not have him to share and the very thought of befouling his student (any of them) in such a way gave him hives would be useless; he'd been doing so for the last, oh, however long it had been since Aoru was born, and it hadn't stopped Naruto yet. Kakashi was still considering an appropriate counterattack - retreat was the better part of valor, right? No, that was discretion. Live to fight another day? - when a distraction came from an unexpected quarter.

"Dad!" their eldest child called out, as the brood noticed Naruto. "When did you get home?!"

They rushed toward the deck, grinning and waving; Naruto unfolded from his crouch and stepped forward to meet them.

Aoru, being the youngest and the one with the least decorum, was also the fastest to rush to say hello. Naruto opened his arms wide and leaned down to pick her up.

"Daddy!" she cried happily, and entirely bypassed him to throw herself at Kakashi.

Naruto stood frozen in horror. Kakashi blinked placidly, and gave the grey-haired head butting against his chest a little pat.

"You - you -"

"Oh hey Naruto," she added with a little wave.

Naruto opened and closed his mouth a couple of time, finger pointed accusingly at the tableau. At Kakashi's side, Sasuke was quietly suffocating with laughter.

Kakashi arched a quizzical eyebrow at the little girl on his lap. Aoru beamed up at him, sweet as you please. Then she hugged him around the neck in a move worthy of a cuteness award.

Naruto whimpered. "A-Aoru-chan, you know, he's not, I mean - he's not _really_ your..."

The little girl gave him a pitying look and patted his hand. "It's okay, Naruto. I love you anyway."

Naruto opened his mouth, and closed it again.

"I think those two need a bath," Sasuke intervened serenely. Naruto snatched up the two leftover kids, made a horrible grimace at Kakashi and Sasuke, and stomped off, ranting under his breath about the traitorous ways of children.

Kakashi waited until the voice of the protesting pre-teen Naruto was handling like a sack of potatoes had faded in the distance.

"Kid? You know I'm not really your father, right?"

Aoru sat up, snorted disdainfully, and flipped her hair. "Duh. You know what _I_ know?"

"No?" he said dutifully.

"You owe me a LOT of candy."


	3. gen-ish Tsunade-Naruto-Sakura, on being hokage

"I have to admit there is something I wondered about," the man says; "Why him instead of ... perhaps, _her_?"

Sakura smiles, the polite kind that leaves her eyes cold. Naruto doesn't bother, just snorts.

Tsunade puts down her tea cup with a tiny, precise clink, rests her hands on her lap in a demure way that's just short of mocking. "My choice of heir seems questionable?"

A long pause, as the man stares at Tsunade and Tsunade stares back. Sakura has allowed her polite, frozen smile to melt away drop by drop and now she just looks smooth and cool. Water. Still and waiting. Naruto's eyes go from his people - Sakura, Tsunade - to the man, and then back and once again.

Then he laughs. "Okay, old man. Shoot."

The man narrows his eyes at him a little bit, like he thinks Naruto isn't taking him seriously. Tsunade sighs, but in an amused, unsurprised way. "I'd be much obliged if you would share your impressions."

"... She's your apprentice."

"Yes."

"She understands your ethics."

"By now, I'd hope so," Tsunade says drolly. Sakura lowers her eyes, demure, and takes a sip of tea.

"Soon she will match you in pure strength and healing techniques."

"Soon she will surpass me," Tsunade corrects calmly. A pause. "Naruto already does."

Naruto opens his mouth to contradict her and then grimaces when he realizes he can't. He still feels a little bad for her, no matter how much preening he wants to do. "Maybe in pure power, but you're canny. All those centuries of experience and _ow_."

Sakura grinds her heel in his toes a last time, and takes another sip of tea.

"... Also I can't do the healy thing anyway."

"Which is hardly a prerequisite for the position," Tsunade counters. "None of the other Hokages could, and they managed just fine."

The man's eyes bounce from one to the other, watching them interact. "But still a good plus to have, as you have proven."

Tsunade doesn't answer that, just makes a little hand gesture to say, yes, noted, your next point now?

"The girl is smarter," the man says, face hard like a challenge thrown.

Naruto gives a mock-wincing laugh. Sakura and Tsunade smile identical, 'you are amusing me, little man, and you will never know why or how' smiles.

"That she is," Naruto says. He's kind of glad it's been thrown in his face so often, how stupid he gets at times, because there was this one time they said it in front of Sakura and she exploded all over the place.

Sakura sniffs at him. "In a logistical and tactical way, certainly..."

"Anyway," Tsunade interrupts. "Are those your main concerns?"

"They'll do as a summary," the man allows. Tsunade gives a brisk nod.

"Alright." She lifts an index finger. "Naruto is stronger than Sakura, physically and with chakra both. Being a high-caliber healer, she is harder to kill than most. Being a demon host, Naruto is nearly invulnerable. She knows more jutsu. The jutsu he does know are more devastating. If I have to bet on one person as a last line of defense for the village, Naruto is a better choice."

Naruto winces at the word 'bet' from Tsunade's lips, but Sakura's heel lifts up in warning, so he grumbles down at his own cup of yucky leaf juice and doesn't say anything.

Tsunade lifts a second finger. "Sakura understands my ethics, but she doesn't share all of them. Naruto..." A pause, a little smile. "Naruto's ethics are an inspiration to mine."

Naruto ruffles his hair and ducks his head, embarrassed. "Not really. Just cause you got your head stuck up your ass that one time _ow Sakura-chan damn it_."

The man arches an eyebrow at the byplay. "One doesn't lead a village with high ideals alone."

"One can sure as hell try," Naruto counters without having to even think twice, and he stares at him right in the eye because like fuck he is going to bend on that. "And I know it can't always happen that way, but the other ways are going to stay last resort."

"But you won't want to even contemplate them," the man retorts. "You will miss opportunities for being biased against them."

"I won't," Sakura replies instead. The man looks at her in surprise, and she smiles, polite and meaningless. "I, after all, have no problem with such methods."

After a moment to digest that, the man says "... That only adds to my point."

"My lack of issue with hard methods would be counterproductive in the long run. I am not running a platform on how dangerous the current political climate is and how much we need to sacrifice and accept harsher laws, so that attitude would be a poor example." Sakura looks at the man, reserved, passionless. "Anyway, Hokage isn't a tactical or logistics post. Hokage is a leadership. What you move isn't troops and supplies, it's _people_. I have an academic grasp on people's reactions and emotions - I can predict them, to some extent. I could figure out ways to manipulate crowd reactions. Naruto _gets_ people, on a visceral level, and what's more, he is good at making them feel understood and _special_ , and at inspiring them. He cares about them all, and they can tell."

Naruto fights not to squirm; trying not to blush, now, that's a lost cause. But the man is staring at Sakura so hard, maybe he doesn't notice.

"And you don't?"

She smiles, thin like a blade. "In the abstract, yes. I would fight for any single member of the Leaf. It's my duty, anyone's duty. For Naruto it isn't a duty. He protects them like I would protect my own family. People can feel that. Can _trust_ that." She puts her cup down. "Trust and charisma are essential elements to leadership. I don't have them. Naruto does."

"But they can be worked on. And a competent Hokage is better in the long run; does it truly matter if the civilians don't have a personal attachment to the person holding that post? They already have one to the post itself regardless, it'd take a lot of incompetence to change that."

"Sir, I wouldn't be Hokage for all the gold in the Five Countries. Not if it came with a palace and cabin boys and everything else I could ever ask for."

"But you'll be his _advisor_?" He scowls, like she has no idea, like he's maybe a bit insulted. "Do you believe the responsibilities are that much lesser? They might possibly be worse, especially if you're also going to shoulder the tactical side."

"Naruto," she says, and now she sounds serene, and Naruto's throat goes tight, "will be Hokage for Konoha. I will be advisor to the Hokage for Naruto."

There's a nuance between 'Hokage' and Naruto's name that comes clear through to him. He knows what it means. If the Hokage were anyone but him, they'd be shit out of luck. He grins. If he could do it without being totally obvious he'd squeeze her hand. Then he looks at the man, and he grins wider, with more teeth.

Yeah, you just try turning us against each other.

There's a long moment of silence as the man stares hard at them, one after the other, looking for a crack, but they just wait, Tsunade sipping tea and being amused, Sakura all cold and 'yeah, you just bring it on' and Naruto grinning, loose-limbed, because he's got the best grandma-type Hokage right now and he's going to have the best advisor girl _ever_ when it's his turn and nothing that guy says or does can make a dent in that, and if he doesn't understand it that's his own damn fault.

Then the man gives in, though he sighs like he's only humoring them, really, but shyeah right. "Very well. I'll support his nomination."

"Thank you," Tsunade says dryly, to the tune of 'that's nice of you! (I wouldn't have cared if you hadn't, though)'. "Well, that was a nice discussion. Please pass on my regards to your master."

The Daimyo's first advisor snorts and climbs to his feet. He gives them a jaundiced look as he turns to leave - and maybe a slightly less irritated one, slightly more 'I get you' to Sakura. Naruto smiles, because he gets him back now. "Yeah, say hi from me too. I'm glad he's got a guy like you, too." He grins, nudges Sakura-chan with his elbow. "They're really useful, huh - ow!"


	4. Naruto and Sakura finally get hitched!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For FateofShadow, who asked for Tsunade plus Sakura and Naruto finally getting hitched, and who was supposed to get a DRABBLE damn you what part of this is a DRABBLE. D: :shakes fist at:  
> Anyway, this is a sequel of sorts to the Two Years Later ficlet where Sasuke asks Naruto to become his concubine while in Earth Country.  
> Marriage ideas came from RurouniTriv, Bookpeople, Gladdecease, and Freed Wings.

Under the Rokudaime's rule Konoha extended its peaceful influence far afield, to countries Tsunade had never even heard of in her childhood, who most civilians her age had never heard of even now, too concerned with threats closer to home.

Tsunade might have been pushing seventy, but she was still strong enough to fight and their country had so many allies, nothing much stopped her successor, her student, and that man they both called "husband" from wandering off - Naruto to sign treaties, Sasuke to guard him, and Sakura... ah, an advisor, she called herself, but every time she came back Tsunade was waiting with tea heating up and a chuckle already building in her throat.

"Master!" Sakura said brightly when she walked in that afternoon, hair a bleached shade of rose, skin tanned dark and faint white lines at the corner of her eyes like she'd spent all that time in the sun glaring at something. She sat when Tsunade waved her toward her chair, grinning like she wanted to bite.

"So how did it go?"

"Do you remember how sad it was that I couldn't marry Naruto in Konoha without being Sasuke's widow first? Well, it turns out I had a lot of free time during this trip..."

In other words, her line of inquiry had been a big bust.

"So on the way back I got thinking about Konoha laws! It says something like 'cannot remarry until their first spouse has died,' doesn't it? But I bet it doesn't say anything about the second marriage being invalidated if said first spouse was revived afterwards."

Tsunade smothered her laughter in her cup of tea. "I think Uchiha might object."

Sakura let out a long, fake sigh. "I think he might, too. Selfish of him, huhn. I knew I should have waited a little longer to fix him last time. Oh well, I'm sure there'll be other assassins."

* * *

The first time had been almost fifteen years ago, as Tsunade sent her chosen successor on his first solo diplomatic mission. Some lost valley in the mountains, well past the farthest reaches of Wind Country. Sakura had heard of their polyandrous habits and immediately - blushing, but determined - started campaigning to be allowed to go with. Their first and second children had been old enough to stay at their grandparents' for a couple of months then; Tsunade had given her permission and Team Seven had jauntily marched off.

When they came back Naruto was frowning, Sasuke so blank-faced it was a wonder he still bothered to breathe, and Sakura trailing her own metaphorical little raincloud.

It turned out their habit of marrying one woman to several men had been born from damaged reproductive abilities, due to being locked away in their same little valley for the last couple of centuries. The men allied in co-husband groups of three or four - good! - and bartered, schemed, and fought others for possession of their women. And then, once "married" to those women, they locked them up so they wouldn't get knocked up by some other brotherhood. Which was so far past not good, Sakura had no words for it. She'd been livid all the way home.

"So... No marriage then?" Shizune had ventured.

Sakura had let loose a torrent of recriminations that boiled down to 'I would rather become a _nun_ than support that mindset by getting married there', which was the end of it - the end of mentioning that particular little trip, at least.

* * *

The next couple of countries had laws similar to those home, so there was no extra-curricular eloping. But the one after those was far over the ocean, an ancient country, hot and lazily powerful, and while most of the leaders over there were kings, there were some queens and princesses who did more with the title than simply being the spouse of. And in deference to them, a woman could have more than one recognized, legally sanctioned lover.

There was this one last hurdle, though...

Later, Sakura found it funny enough to tell Tsunade, who laughed until she gave herself a coughing fit.

"So the blond hunk is snipped, huh? A shame. He'd have made you strapping children."

A woman of high rank could have several legal, bonded lovers - if all but one were eunuchs.

"... Oh, yes, I can _see_ that you aren't, young man. Haha, it would have been strange if the nominal leader was ... my apologies, I meant no insult. The pretty one then? I must have misunderstood, girl, I thought you said he was your _husband_. Haha, how silly of me. I should have know, he _does_ look a bit..."

They were pretty lucky to come back home without a new war on their hands, Sakura had to admit.

* * *

After that for ten years or so Naruto had duties closer to home, and then Sakura had Aoru-chan, and she stopped entertaining Tsunade with the tales of her grand quest to get hitched again. She mostly busied herself with taking over the hospital and becoming Naruto's first in-village political advisor - two full-time jobs on their own, even without "mother of three" on top.

There was that matrilineal clan over in Cloud Country, though, which rekindled that little flame in her eyes - a tradition born of a female-carried bloodline. It required genetic diversity, and the women were the bottlenecks, hence several husbands each.

Alas, Sakura had no bloodline, so she was disqualified from the get-go.

"But if your husband, who does have a bloodline, can also use _that jutsu_ ," the old woman leader conceded, grittiness briefly turning into something akin to religious awe, "then as a gesture of good faith and friendship between our people, and of thanks to Hokage Naruto-sama (may he have thirty daughters) we will allow Sasuke of the Uchiha to marry you both."

Team Seven went home with a new treaty, and they'd only asked to be taught the Sexy no Jutsu for it. Alas, Sasuke was a selfish bastard, and so Sakura still went home with only one husband.

* * *

When the travelers crossed the Elemental Countries, Naruto went to meet them, came back delighted - if a little weirded out - by their above-and-beyond adherence to principles of peace, love, freedom, and tolerance.

Men could marry other men, women could marry other women, their cousins, their religious ministers, and their best friends' boyfriends. Oh, and outsiders not of their own ethnicity or country, too. There was no such thing as an outsider in their point of view, only a neighbor you hadn't yet met.

Naruto was made a honorary citizen of the City That Never Stops Drifting Because The World Is So Vast And We Ought To See And Admire It All. Sakura was grinning from the second the garland of flowers was passed around his neck.

Problem being the High Priestess and the President In Chief also wanted the ability to marry _Sakura's husbands_.

There was such a thing as being _too_ generous and selfless.

* * *

Sakura seemed to give up her little crusade after that. Tsunade watched with some amusement as she redirected her energies toward other pursuits - putting medic-nins into each team, Tsunade's old personal crusade, creating cross-country information lines about epidemics and their vaccines and treatments, nudging forward the equality of sexes...

In all the upheavals that the Rokudaime Hokage and his teammates had introduced into the country in his last twenty years of rule, the abolishment of gendered language into Konoha's own laws passed almost unnoticed.

Three days later a petition to the Hokage for the right of the Haruno clan to an heir of their own landed on the Hokage's desk.

"I don't get it," said Naruto.

"It means my marriage contract to Sasuke meant any children born under its umbrella would be Uchihas, no matter who actually fathered them, but that's only if there's no _other_ contract - if the Harunos are recognized as a clan instead of an everyday garden-variety family then as the Haruno heir I could have official concubines of my own."

"... Oooh. It'll work?"

Sakura beamed at him. "Unless you've pissed off the Shourisha clan recently..."

Later she barged in Tsunade's office, brandishing the stamp-covered paperwork, green eyes gleaming behind their little round glasses.

"FINALLY! Oh god, _finally_."

Tsunade squinted as she read, and then nodded, amused and a little proud that Sakura would have engineered a whole social revolution rather than let go of her goal. "I take it this is the end of our little tea sessions?"

"Oh, I'm sure I'll find more reasons to come visit you. Like, er, say..."

"Alright, what have you done now."

Sakura sat, trying badly to pretend to be annoyed. Her eyes were still bright, still so fierce and so young. "Oh, it's Naruto, you know how he is..."

"Don't stall."

"Well, he asked me if that meant our next children would be named Haruno. And, well, yes, that's exactly what it means, except for a small, niggling detail - _menopause_."

"Which would be grounds for refusal of your request by the Council," Tsunade pointed out, only because she could see Sakura coming from a mile away.

Sakura grimaced at her. "They've got enough grounds for that anyway. It's mostly just silly legalese and twisty loopholes, and the idea of a first-generation, no-bloodline limit family becoming a clan is laughable, but I'm pretty sure the Council will approve it just so their Hokage stops flaunting the fact that he's someone's side dish. They're going to give this shiny bit of polite fiction the go-ahead because it's the most respectable they'll ever make Naruto look. BUT ANYWAY," she said, forging ahead.

"Yes?" Tsunade asked, as if she didn't know where her student of twenty years was going.

"Well. Naruto and Sasuke miss having kids. Young ones, I mean. They're all grown and out of the house now..."

Tsunade took a sip of tea, noncommittal. "I'm sure. That must be hard."

"... _Masteeeeeer_."

Tsunade relented, eyes laughing, though her face kept looking stern. "I _might_ have some ideas of how to get around that little menopause problem, if you can find the funds for the necessary research at the hospital..."

Sakura beamed at her. "Great! I have a lot of those, too."

She looked down at the official decree, caressed the red stamps. Tsunade could see it on her face - the silly 'official' approval that shouldn't have meant half as much as it ended up meaning for the balance of her relationship.

Naruto and Sasuke's concubine/husband bond wasn't even legal in Fire Country, yet how it had galled her to leave things undone - done only twice. How much she had needed to correct that last imbalance, to bridge that last divide.

Then she looked up, and she smiled that bright, harsh smile that meant there were still heights to be conquered.

"While we're pioneering new medical jutsu, what do you say about making a child with two genetic fathers? I was thinking, if we emptied an ovum and then merged two sperm cells..."


End file.
